Monday, 24 November 2014

Fear of the smiling blob

The children are playing independently, I have an opportunity to meet my personal deadline for a blog.

I am stuck for what to write.

The last two weeks I have been lying awake between 1 am and 6 am, my mind swirling with ideas, funny anecdotes, plans for adventures. And today, now that I have time and space to think.. nothing.

This state of paralysis has to to with the fact that last night, for the first time in a long time, I fell into such a deep slumber, despite sharing a single bed with Little Miss that the back of my nose and throat are sore after a deep heartfelt and continuous snore.

I silently breathe a sigh of relief. I am currently sporting a Madonna 80's hairstyle. The no longer subtle regrowth, hair in desperate need of a cut and treatment, combined with a constant snore can't be attractive. Mr Lucky hasn't noticed (rather commented - that is why he is Mr Lucky).  The sigh has slowly turned from relief to worry.



Having had a good night sleep means my mind has finally had time to rest. Switch off, relax. This makes me uncomfortable.

How is it that I am more organised, creative and composed when I am absolutely exhausted and sleep deprived?  I get excited when I wake up and challenge the day with a multiple of tasks (menial and sometimes fun) and feel satisfied when all are achieved.

I blog, keep house (well try to), cook (again, I spend time in the kitchen, what I produce is edible but certainly not dinner party appropriate). I play with the children, I work, I do coffee with friends, I take the children to parks, activities, museums. I confuse Mr Lucky by complaining I am tired but can't seem to stand still for a second.  All on about three hours sleep a day.

I have a new worry.  When I have had a good night's sleep I am a walking relaxed zombie with little ability to do anything constructive.  I worry - what will happen when my body and mind finally wake up one day and say - enough.  We are tired. We can't keep up with this grueling exhausting lifestyle?

Will I become a relaxed, mindless, smiling person, with good hair, who doesn't snore, but who is unproductive and who is (my greatest fear)... just a blob?

Image: Smiling Girl Face, courtesy of ClipArtBest.com

Monday, 17 November 2014

Soundtrack to silence?

I wonder how I would feel having a screen shoved up against my face while the world whirls by backwards? I would probably scream uncontrollably too. And not for fun.

No, I am not talking about being on a ride at a show.

Last night I saw a woman pushing her Stoke pushchair with determination.  Facing her was her baby, howling at the top of his lungs.  I have been there. I don't own a Stoke, but have had that look of determination on my face.

That, please don't approach me or give me a look of pity - I have things that need to get done and baby howling combined with a compassionate face may very much result in me wanting to get into a corner, curl up and cry.

But then she did something that threw me.  She stopped, sighed, grabbed something that was hiding the baby's face, touched it a few times.  During this time, the baby had stopped crying.

I had a sneaky peak into the pushchair and saw the baby was about 9 months old. He was also very cute.

Curious, I continued watching, expecting her to go through the process of elimination drill I normally follow when dealing with a howling child.   Cold? Wet? Hungry? Tired? Bored?

After fiddling with the thing that had been hiding the baby's face, she put it back on the pushchair, dangling in front of the baby.  The baby starting howling again.  She sighed and walked on.

I was left gob smacked. The baby had it's own tablet.  The unmistakable opening soundtrack for 'Cars' the movie was heard as she walked passed.



I didn't know what to feel or  think.  I try not to judge other parents parenting style, as I am a walking contradiction.  I had and hold views that are interchangeable depending on a range of elements I am faced with. I am not one to judge.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors. You never know the temperament of a child, the stress the parents or child is under, let alone the background to what you've just walked into or witnessed.

In spite of this, what I witnessed just didn't connect well with me.  What about you?

Image: "Connected Tablet Touch Screen Shows Communications And Connecti" by Stuart Miles courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.


Monday, 10 November 2014

Eventless but full.

Last week Mr Lucky and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.

We didn't do anything remarkable to mark the occasion.  We went out to our favorite restaurant for dinner with the kids. It was nice but nothing to rave about.

We generally break tradition - rarely giving each other gifts appropriate for the number of years we are married. Thankfully. Buying lace for Mr Lucky would have been interesting.

As a side note, I only know we should have exchanged a lace gift - as I researched it for this particular blog. Otherwise I would have remained in the dark.

Thirteen years have flown. In those years we have moved three countries, produced two beautiful children, have each fought illnesses we probably both wondered quietly if we would ever get healthy again,

So here we are. Certainly not at the end of our separate and combined adventures in life.



I can't remember what we did or how we celebrated each and every anniversary.

Last year we had both kids so sick - we stayed in. One year we went to a fancy restaurant. Another year we planned to go to a nice hotel for the weekend but had to cancel last minute when an uncle passed suddenly. The other anniversaries have merged and morphed into forgotten experiences.

This is not to say it has been boring! We have grown together and separately, clashed, met individual goals and achievements, and we have had some colossal failures too. Throw in some boring times, quiet times and stressful times - our life together has been a cocktail of experiences, emotions and adventures.

Of course I wouldn't have it any other way.

But now I can't stop thinking perhaps I should have bought Mr Lucky some lace, to whether this introduced an interesting new chapter in our book of combined adventure.

Image: "Heart Character Means Valentine's Day And Affection" by Stuart Miles courtesy of FreeDigital Photos.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Jealousy

I have a serious case of green eyed monster. I can't shake it. It's getting bigger, uglier and hungrier by the second.

Try as I might to rationalise, calm it down, and tell it to go away, it won't. Like a raging bull, this monster is out of control. OUT OF CONTROL I say!

The Baby has an obvious preference for Mr Lucky.  She falls over, she runs to Mr. Lucky. She wakes up in the middle of night howling, only Mr.Lucky can calm her down. She wants to play, it's Mr Lucky.

I know I sound like Jan Brady but I can't help but say  'Mr Lucky, Mr Lucky, Mr Lucky!'

The clever little bugger comes to me for feeding, nappy changes, baths and when absolutely desperate for a sleep and Mr Lucky isn't around for wind down. That is it.

I feel used, useless and a little embarrassed / ashamed to admit I have been doing Jan Brady for weeks - am mortified (particularly as I would have preferred to be cool, hip, well liked and popular Marcia).

Little Miss is slowly starting to break the Velcro strip and become independent. I almost have one leg free. I expected that, she is getting older and realises I am there when she wants me, I am not going away. But my hip and leg is bare, waiting for The Baby to occupy it, wanting 'Mummy only'.

Sure she loves me, of course she is happy to see me and wants cuddles and kisses sometimes, but Mr Lucky is definitely the favorite.

'Oh Mr Lucky, Mr Lucky, Mr Lucky' I groan, and not in a nice way.

Enjoy it! friends say when I moan. It's so much more difficult when both kids want your attention.

That makes absolute sense doesn't it?  And Mr Lucky deserves a bit of affection. Little Miss shoots her love arrows mostly my way so it's only right.

Hang on. Wait. Did I hear The Baby call for 'Mama?'

I think she did. I have to go shake the green eyed monster off and swap it for my 'Super Mama' outfit (a Marcia Brady outfit wouldn't cut it for this scene).

The Baby is crying and Mr Lucky is sleeping through her tears (how, I will never know.  She has a seriously loud cry).

Off to save the day and win her over (hopefully) and with each stomp, I hope to shake off the green and the monster for good.


Image: "A Cartoon Frankenstein Monster" by Mister GC.  Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net